you didnt know i had herpes?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize