No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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