Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
