I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
