Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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