why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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