I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
as a side note pls kill me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
