There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
