Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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