This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
