I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
