Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
