you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
