is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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