I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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