my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
