Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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