I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
