you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
