im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We left the knife in your bed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
