if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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