Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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