I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So vagazzling was a success
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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