we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
