and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
