living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
