I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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