I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
