I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
