dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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