your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
