Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
