Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
