I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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