...so i touched it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
