She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
