Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
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