I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
