Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
