Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
