dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
