As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
