I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
