Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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