her vagine was all disorganized.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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