just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
