then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
