Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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