I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
