I hate your face
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
