I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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