I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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