New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
