If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
