I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
