My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
