omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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