We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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