he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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