So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
