meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
