I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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