I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
