If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
