I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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