Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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