are you still at the devil's house?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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