I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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