its not stalking. its research.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
